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After much deliberation, a reading of the rules and a strong examination of my life and what I want to achieve with it, I have decided to make the following announcement:

I am an official candidate for Pope.

According to the rules, the Pope must be male, which I am, and Celibate, which I have been for a little over two years now.

Therefore, I qualify.

If I get the job, I promice to bitch-slap every priest who knew about child abuse before locking them in the basement of the Vatican with rabid badgers. Oh, and sell off a lot of the 1500 year old jewelry and art to eliminate poverty. And the whole "God deoesn't like homosexuals" will have to be revised, since everything about the Pope's funeral showed me that if the people in charge of it aren't gay, they sure have been having out with a lot of gay men who know color coordination and hats. No straight man knows that much about pomp and circumstance, so it's time the Holy Catholic Church stopped hanging out in the closet. I'll force them out so that they can spread their flashy religious bling bling to the rest of the world.

So, if anyone wants to make banners, photoshop projects, or suggest slogans, the campaign has begun.

Cory!! For Pope! It's Time For A Change, and by change, he means no Child Buggering!

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